The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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