I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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