She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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