I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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