My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
