i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
