so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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