Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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