Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
