Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
