I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
