i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i dont even know how to be here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
