Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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