first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
