he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
