I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
BRING THE BAGELS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
please don't ironically join a cult
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