Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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