i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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