i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
