in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
