All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
