so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
