Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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