No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
