i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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