Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize