After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
