Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
