eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
