Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
