speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
