If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
