i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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