You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
