Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
