oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
