hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
