forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
