Christians are straight up FREAKS
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
