I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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