Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
