Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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