Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
