drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
