Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
