He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
