Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
