dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
