i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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