Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
