The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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