So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
