she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
