nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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