she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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