Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
