He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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