Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
