so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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