I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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