If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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