remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Actions speak louder than pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
