I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
