about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
