she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
