whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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