Small penises have feelings too.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
