Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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