I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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