Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
